Talk the (Corporate) Talk....

They say appreciation of anything comes with an instant identification towards it. Rest assured, the list that follows will make you go , "Been done, seen that" ;)

Assmosis
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Closer to home, that's usually the art practised and perfected by the dude in the neighbouring cubicle

Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project
failed and who was responsible.

For all of you who wonder what happens in those long drawn-out meetings of mine...well...:D

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then
leaves.

Read - BOSS

Salmon day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

^^ EVERY SINGLE DAY

Chainsaw consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

In other words, "strategists"

CLM
Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CLB - Career Limiting Behavior)

Ah-hah! Now I know why am still on the last rung of the corporate ladder (?!).

Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. A la Dilbert.

Note - This terminology is soon to be revamped as "krithikated".

Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Mera number kab aayega?

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
"Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."

The all too familiar conceptualization of others by me...and me by others :D

Ohnosecond
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a
BIG mistake.

Going by the math, the number of ohnoseconds on my average day varies from 3600*12 to 3600*14 :))

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.

Oh well...these are those bright moments of the day :P