So, Why don't all these "a-business-opportunity-is-just-around-the-corner" folks* come with a guidebook for survival in the big bad corporate world/big bad..well..big city? Replete with all the should do's, the shouldn't do's**, the don't dos** , and of course with the 10 mantras*** to keep you on payroll..and not to mention the rules that when broken are glaringly visible even if you are however good at smiling sheepishly....I mean, with all due respect to the concept of "learning it the hard, a cruel fact to admit and abide by is - "Bosses do not believe in such ideals"....So, I am doing my bit to that abysmmally tiny lot of society who would come across this blog (Most of 'em are probably doing so after relentless coaxing on my part - :D)....Don't know why this wave of altruism has hit me all of a sudden...
Cold, hard truths, which when ignored/overlooked can result in ghastly experiences:
1. Timelines are what they are - Date/time fields which are absolute in nature. Barring Katrinas, Tsunami's, rain gods and lazy central-goverment folks, timelines do NOT have the property of expansion/elasticity. (Quick reference - the Income Tax Department, Credit Card Units of all banks)
2. Mandatory requirements always follow the AND logic. The OR logic is not a substitute. (Quick reference - Personal Loan Departments, recruiting agencies)
3. When it comes to fares, there's always multiple or an additive element attached ( Quick reference - Cab/Auto drivers)
4. Not all numbers are a result of balanced equations i.e Net take home
5. Everyone who has the tag of Middle Management/Boss (a.k.a The not-so-affable, but definitely infamous Gyaanibabas) have dangerously low boiling points ( Quick reference - the junior management of any company)
6. Liquids do not have definite shape, but assume the shape of the containing body (Quick reference - Frequent floodings at my apartment thanks to taps who don't get closed)
7. Chocolates,ice creams,sizzling brownies, cheesy pastas, cheesier burgers, the results of the-experiments-at-my-kitchen et al do contain fats, carbohydates and the likes ( Quick reference - has anyone seen me lately?!)
8. Time does require management and gantt charts and what not...( Quick reference - the never-ending list of my "to-do" list)
9. Drinking a glass of alcohol everyday as against dunking the entire week's quota on the weekend is better, if you also fit the A-A bill****...Of course if you choose do both, it could be near fatal ( Quick reference - the all-knowing smile of the doorman when you walk into your favorite pub)
10. The chances of your boss visiting your cubicle between the time you started this blog and when you ended is directly proportional to the number of key deliverables in your job description ( Quick reference - the number of alt-tabs that I have done while writing this blog )
So, kids...hope this serves as an enlightment tool...And no,this will not lead you to Nirvana...After all, they have disbanded :P
* - Y'know, those overzealous dudes who fall into one or more or most likely all of these categories - A. The socializing radar is as dead as the bug they last swatted B. who spell life as w-o-r-k C. whose last woohooing was when they got two extra oregono toppings with the pizza they ordered when working late D. whose ID tag has these letters - I, C , I , C and I on them...
** Think about it..the shouldn't and don't dos are definitely different...If you are still digging thru all the overwrought gray matter or your answer is "Nyaaah"- even if doesn't sound exactly like it, then please, I beg you, get a life!
*** Note - It's not always only 10
**** Not the type of batteries silly, Alcoholics anonymous of course..
