Talk the (Corporate) Talk....

They say appreciation of anything comes with an instant identification towards it. Rest assured, the list that follows will make you go , "Been done, seen that" ;)

Assmosis
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Closer to home, that's usually the art practised and perfected by the dude in the neighbouring cubicle

Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project
failed and who was responsible.

For all of you who wonder what happens in those long drawn-out meetings of mine...well...:D

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then
leaves.

Read - BOSS

Salmon day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

^^ EVERY SINGLE DAY

Chainsaw consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

In other words, "strategists"

CLM
Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CLB - Career Limiting Behavior)

Ah-hah! Now I know why am still on the last rung of the corporate ladder (?!).

Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. A la Dilbert.

Note - This terminology is soon to be revamped as "krithikated".

Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Mera number kab aayega?

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
"Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."

The all too familiar conceptualization of others by me...and me by others :D

Ohnosecond
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a
BIG mistake.

Going by the math, the number of ohnoseconds on my average day varies from 3600*12 to 3600*14 :))

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.

Oh well...these are those bright moments of the day :P

Try Whistling This...

I am a sucker for melodies...especially those which are lyrically loaded... I must admit that's last thing that you would hear from a person whose mornings generally begin with a dosage of a "20th century schizoid man" or "6 o'clock on a Christmas morning" (Okay, it's not exactly christmas! And I cant remember the last time I saw dawn...I wanted to underline the fact that I dig prog rock/metal!)...But then there's something about what is come to be known as "intelligent pop" ( Contrary to my view a coupla years back, the term is not exactly a paradox!) that makes you want to stretch your legs, put up your hands behind your head and really, REALLY relax.... There are a flock of artistes that I have begun to check out at a retail music store/website these days...and beat this! I have begun doing this before even checking which Camel album I do not own yet! And one of the chief reasons for this sort of metamorphosis is this brilliant, brilliant singer/songwriter called Neil Finn...I just own one of his albums now called "Try Whistling This"..but it will probably outnumber the times that I have played my latest Porcupine Tree buy on my deck by a looong margin....So,what's so awesome about this album? Okay, here we go..some of my thoughts on some of his tracks...

1. Last One Standing - Kick starts the album with a jiggy acoustic groove...the tempo that this groove sets carries forward through the entire track with so much energy...and as far as the lyrics...well, wish I can get away smoothly with something like this...

"Lean and hungry with a fire in your eyes
I'll play catch up, you can show me where it's at
I'll go along with anything that you want to do
Everyday I'm making ground
So high I might as well be gone"

2. King Tide - Starts with a seemingly innocently gloomy four lines before it suddenly gets infused with strong chords and it takes a heavier turn with each passing verse...I like the way this heavy downpour hits the climatic note with the chorus rendition...Actually this climatic note is more anticlimatic, if anything...the last verses, the chord element gets so strong that Neil Finn is almost rapping along to keep pace!!


3. Try Whistling this - The title track is really toned-down in terms of the mood, the pace etc...But two things that I like about this song...the bass drum in the back ground and the soaring end to the song...Beautifully constructed melody and pulled off brilliantly by Finn...

4. She will have her way - My favorite track out of this album...whether it is the "ru-tu-ru" backings or the uplifting turn that the track takes when Finn starts the " Still no end in sight...though I travel far and wide" verse...Agreed, most critics would not rate this as the album's best track..my message for them is "GO PICK UP NICK HORNBY'S 31 SONGS, DUDE" !!

5. Truth - If not for anything, the fact that this track has the line " Truth is worth more than pride"

6. Dream Date - Memorable bassline..but I gotta nod in agreement with most other reviewers, the falsetto on the chorus is a definite turnoff!

7. Faster than light - Okay, I don't dig the melody on this track a lot, but then again, there's something about these lyrics which makes you remember the moral science lessons at school!

and praise will come to those whose kindness
leaves you without debt
and bends the shape of things
that haven't happened yet
close your eyes, colours changing like a lizard
I know where the sun goes
I have seen the world turning
in time you'll find that some things
travel faster than light
in time you'll recognise that love is larger than life

8. Addicted - He keeps a low note on most parts of the song..But I love the keyboard parts with " and you wait and it makes you feel strange...as if you were deranged...and you lie with a look to the side...and you say I was addicted to the drug...but I know when I've had enough"...

Now, Neil Finn is not a fantastic vocalist..far from it...Most of the times when he hits the lownotes, you wish you are hearing someone else...But his falsettos make you cringe your brows...but hey, this dude can churn out good , lyrically sound melodies and I maintain, am a sucker for 'em...

Top 10 reasons why I would not offer a media liability policy in India

Okay, it's a frikkin' Saturday and I have been made to drag my ass to work cuz..Oh well, what other day can be better to ruin than Saturday by scheduling comfortably looong review meetings, where big burly boss types take out their wrath on the fact that they don't have a life and you seem to show the slightest trace of one! So these lumberjacks are out with their axes to nip these threatening hints of a life in its bud....whoosh, whoosh, whoosh..crash! Amen! But they didn't see a retaliatory reaction coming, did they?! They think they can make me work on a weekend?! Bah! Blog , I must and blog, I will!

Anywayz, I know I am trying to sound very ungeekish...That's b'cuz I am gonna start out on..err...slightly occupation specific topic...Sprung up as a consequence of a discussion over lunch where some chaps from the liability insurance business groups decided to make their presence felt...Is it a good idea for our company to go in for a media liability policy?!

For the uninitiated, media liability insurance protects any newspaper/magazine agency against claims made by the affected public, as a consequence of gathering and communicating any false/unsubstianted info...It generally covers defamation, personal disparagement or invasion/infringement of privacy charges...A more ground level example - you see some snaps of filmstars smooching splashed across the front pages of tabloids...and the filmstar is understandably livid because her "oh-but-I-am-the-typical-Bharathiya-nari" image is being shredded to pieces right before hers and a million others' eyes, she files privacy invasion charges against the tabloid/papparazzi...(Assuming she does end up actually filing a suit... more often than not, these are usually mere noises with declaration that she is marching to court...Before you know it, a coupla days have passed and everyone's forgotten about this controversy cuz some other actress' clothes-shedding gossip is more hot-selling news item now...)...so just in case, the court rules in favor of the plaintiff and the media company would have pay a handsome price for it, a media liability policy will come in handy..cuz it will be the insurance company which will have to empty its pockets...

So, if I had my way and I was the CEO of my company...would I recommend we introduce for media liability insurance for the media agencies in India? Even if I did prudently underwrite it and I also take the seemingly safest bet out of the media agencies...say, a Hindu ...I might not have too many filmstars lining up at my front door for claims on defamation charges, but I would sure as hell have politicians doing that with me! Same is the case with any political mag, I guess....
I would think twice before issuing any business magazine a media liability policy because they take too many big honchos head on...and they also usually lambast the government for poor infrastructure or sickly investment et cetera et cetera... Although these guys kinda play it safe most of the time by getting into the semantics and cleverly disguising accusations..They might be low risk...

I would definitely not even consider sparing a moment of thought for deciding whether to cover a TOI or a Zoom...

I would not cover any TV channel which has these " I am reaching out to the general public" kinda talkshows...The next thing I know they will be interviewing some gay activists ( or anti-activists!) movement and I am in a thick soup!!

A music channel is a high-risk profile too...The odds of an enraged parent knocking on your doors is heavy, with the number of booty-shaking videos that come out these days...

At the end of the day, I can think of only an inside/outside or zome health magazine that I might decide to insure...but of course, the chances of them coming to me for insurance in the first place are rather slim....So now, put yourself in my "assumed-CEO" shoes ;) Would you insure any media agency in India for liability?

Now again, please refer to the title of the blog....I rest my case herein...

Mass Hypnosis?!

The early morning rush hour…

...The scramble to get a foothold in a fast local…the pushing and shoving to gather more leg room…It’s bad enough that you are holding onto your life by virtue of that door handle which is supporting a couple of other hands too…But hey, that doesn’t stop you from hollering to the privileged soul ( well, she DOES have the central pole to hang onto!!) to get in…”Jahag dhiktha hai kya andhar” comes the retort…And there we go…a few more fiery exchanges which increases in amplitude with every reply received…soon hits the high note when out comes some bellowing sounds which lasts just about a minute or so (natural progression, I say!)….before fading into oblivion with as much intensity as the ascending trip……The sine curve is drawn…

And your regular day in Bombay has begun…..

The men…well, they have their own version of these cat fights…It has some infliction of machismo, of course…So, there’s always the daily dose of fist fights and finger movements and bawling sounds, all replete with some colorful intonations…Either this, or the gleeful celebrations for finding that much desired inch of foothold near the mouth of the compartment…This usually comes with some “yee haws” and other cowboy like maneuvers which includes high-fiving some stranger on the platform who has not been so fortunate as the passenger himself, when the train starts moving out…

Leave the trains aside, lets jump onto the highways to hell and the rulers of this terrain – the cab drivers…If you have been in Bombay and not been stuck in traffic because a cabbie has distorted the already dilapidated bumper of the car in front of him, you must have had Lady Luck showing off all her molars on you, dude!

Oh no, you guessed wrong! This is not a preamble to yet another sob story of a poor soul stranded in this new-age jungle…the point is…I dunno about you, but I definitely marvel at the city’s innate love for attention…Anything that is remotely glance worthy is spared much more than just a glance….If there are X people who just love to draw attention onto themselves, there are at least 10 X people who want to give them all the attention that they crave and much more…..And what is weird is that fact that, at no point of time do these parties exchange their prerogatives….Will any of the “givers” of attention step in and intervene with the proceedings of the “takers”?! …No, sir! It’s almost as if they don’t want to steal the takers’ thunder…”The limelight’s on you for today and you can hog all of it” types….How many fights have you seen being broken up by spectactors? “They might as well pull their tooth out, but we are happy getting our free entertainment of the day “……This might not be very endearing, but aren’t you amused by the collective hypnosis that the people of the city are under?! I sure as hell am….